Fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

I have been going through an intense job search the last few months. I was finally offered a position this past week contingent on passing a background check which didn’t allow for errors without dismissal from the the job. Sometimes I have a hard time with seeing my anxiety present itself. But on weeks like these where I am putting myself out there employment wise to make a major change, it rears it’s ugly head. I’m confident that most people have heard of the flight or fight model. But do you know that model is now called “fight, flight, fréeze or fawn model?” I tend to fall in the freeze category since I was little. An example of this was it took me three days to open my job offer email because I was afraid that the bottom was going to fall out because good/great things like this don’t happen to me.

I realized this week, how much change scares me. Don’t get me wrong! I am so very excited to be starting this position. It is like a dream job. I just have issues with change due to trauma suffered in childhood. I stayed safe most of the time in an environment by learning what to do by watching and emulating the behaviors of others. When starting at a new job where I know no one, that is harder to do. Even more difficult, my team is working from home for now and using zoom to communicate throughout the workday. My anxiety level keeps going up and up. But after 25 years + of mental health work experience I need to just remind myself I am good at what I do and why I was hired.

Does change make you anxious? How do you handle it? Do you rely solely on anxiety meds to relieve your anxiety or do you use other techniques like mindfulness as well? I’d love to hear what helps. Wendy🎄

Time for more change.

A New Job
Trigger warning. Mentions suicide of my friends.


I took a break from writing in my blog in September after two friends completed suicide. I felt overwhelmed, sad, disillusioned, and questioning the recovery movement. It has taken me a great deal of time to be able to talk about the loss of their lives. Their personalities both were very outgoing, humorous and friendly. People rarely knew what was going on beneath the surface. Between September and November I stopped counting how many friends and family members who passed away because it was too painful. I didn’t feel able to express my feelings in my blog this I have been AWOL.

I, also, during this time was encouraged to think about returning to work. I had a clear pet scan in late May followed by more testing which lead to a cancer free détermination. Whew and Thank you Lord! So I started working on some new skills, revised my resume’ and started searching for jobs.

Happy dance…I have a written offer (pending background check) to move into a job I feel I will love. Tentatively scheduled to start in January. I will be doing more integrated care management for health and monitoring behavioral health service delivery. I’m so excited. This takes what I was doing as a health coach and utilizes in addition to social work.  I will still be working with the clients but from home for awhile due to Covid.

I will, also, be able to return to school for my Masters degree in Social Work.

I hope to enter into a program that has both a Medical social worker and School Social worker area of study next fall. I think these are the two areas in which I have the most experience and interest.

So my time has been spent improving my typing skills, my overall computer and medical terminology skills, reading, loving Al who appears to be getting old suddenly as he approached 10 years old this Spring. And trying to keep busy in general. I miss attending DBSA group meetings for the first time in 16 years. I miss the people and the support. I will keep you posted as my job start date approaches and how that transition goes.

I will be making changes myself as I help others attempt to change as well.
It is all about living healthy and pursuing recovery for the best quality of life possible.  Wishing you all the best. 🐢🎹🧡Wendy

Wired.

My brain has been wired all night. I had a bad allergic reaction to something and my mouth and throat swelled badly. I tried to treat it at home with Benadryl but when the Benadryl wore off my mouth and throat would swell back up again so I ended up at the hospital after I started getting light headed as well. While in the emergency department, they decided to give me steroids. I don’t know about anyone else prone to bipolar disorder but I can only handle a small amount of steroids without becoming hypomanic to manic. I was up all night working on things. I’m still pretty wired. We had to leave my car at the hospital and I’m ready to walk there and get it. I usually don’t get this much steroids. I got approximately 140 to 150mg of Salumedrol last night at the ED while when I get my IVIG treatment once every 4 weeks I only get 40 to 50 mg. Plus the doctor wants me to take 40mg a day for 5 days. I guess I won’t get much sleep thru Sunday. I have a PRN med for mania but I don’t like to take it very often. It kicks my butt. I feel like it’s time to take Al on a walk to get my car because I am bursting with energy. Al (my dog) hopefully is up to it. I’ll write more later because I am supposed to take Benadryl and this Prednisone together today. That sounds like a horrible mixed state to me. I hate feeling agitated on steroids. Benadryl will make me drowsy. Sounds cruddy to me. Peace out everybody. ☮️ Wendy