Fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

I have been going through an intense job search the last few months. I was finally offered a position this past week contingent on passing a background check which didn’t allow for errors without dismissal from the the job. Sometimes I have a hard time with seeing my anxiety present itself. But on weeks like these where I am putting myself out there employment wise to make a major change, it rears it’s ugly head. I’m confident that most people have heard of the flight or fight model. But do you know that model is now called “fight, flight, fréeze or fawn model?” I tend to fall in the freeze category since I was little. An example of this was it took me three days to open my job offer email because I was afraid that the bottom was going to fall out because good/great things like this don’t happen to me.

I realized this week, how much change scares me. Don’t get me wrong! I am so very excited to be starting this position. It is like a dream job. I just have issues with change due to trauma suffered in childhood. I stayed safe most of the time in an environment by learning what to do by watching and emulating the behaviors of others. When starting at a new job where I know no one, that is harder to do. Even more difficult, my team is working from home for now and using zoom to communicate throughout the workday. My anxiety level keeps going up and up. But after 25 years + of mental health work experience I need to just remind myself I am good at what I do and why I was hired.

Does change make you anxious? How do you handle it? Do you rely solely on anxiety meds to relieve your anxiety or do you use other techniques like mindfulness as well? I’d love to hear what helps. Wendy🎄

Wired.

My brain has been wired all night. I had a bad allergic reaction to something and my mouth and throat swelled badly. I tried to treat it at home with Benadryl but when the Benadryl wore off my mouth and throat would swell back up again so I ended up at the hospital after I started getting light headed as well. While in the emergency department, they decided to give me steroids. I don’t know about anyone else prone to bipolar disorder but I can only handle a small amount of steroids without becoming hypomanic to manic. I was up all night working on things. I’m still pretty wired. We had to leave my car at the hospital and I’m ready to walk there and get it. I usually don’t get this much steroids. I got approximately 140 to 150mg of Salumedrol last night at the ED while when I get my IVIG treatment once every 4 weeks I only get 40 to 50 mg. Plus the doctor wants me to take 40mg a day for 5 days. I guess I won’t get much sleep thru Sunday. I have a PRN med for mania but I don’t like to take it very often. It kicks my butt. I feel like it’s time to take Al on a walk to get my car because I am bursting with energy. Al (my dog) hopefully is up to it. I’ll write more later because I am supposed to take Benadryl and this Prednisone together today. That sounds like a horrible mixed state to me. I hate feeling agitated on steroids. Benadryl will make me drowsy. Sounds cruddy to me. Peace out everybody. ☮️ Wendy