Comorbity and juggling multiple illnesses

It took me forever to learn what the words comorbidity or comorbid meant. For some reason it just did not want to sink in and register that it was having a mental illness in addition to a physical health issues or having multiple mental health diagnoses. Maybe the word morbid being part of it didn’t help. It should have…my physical health issues have a “morbid” twist to them and I tend to make jokes about my CVID and lymphoma…trauma and PTSD and eating disorder not so much.

I probably confuse most of my blog readers because when I started my blog I truly meant to keep it as a social worker’s perspective of living with a mental illness (or two or three or four diagnoses: Bipolar Disorder, Eating disoder, PTSD, and ADD w/OCD tendencies.) I was diagnosed with CVID(common variable immune deficiency) in 2006. I lack 4 of 5 gamma proteins that help you fight infection. One is given back to me by i.v. every four weeks (IgG). This puts me at great risk for cancer especially lymphoma which I was diagnosed with for a second time this past fall. I have included my physical health issues in my blog because they have been overwhelming at times. I am juggling a lot right now in the health department and have managed to get by fairly well mental health wise with a few crashes here and there mostly involving my relationship due to some type of misunderstanding. Physical health issues have been difficult to overcome… pain is a daily stressor as well as fatigue and I am still learning how to cope with these things. It all gets blurred in my blog.

I struggled over whether or not I would share my lymphoma diagnosis in October and I did after avoiding my blog for several weeks. I sometimes feel like I have been put through the ringer. I really just want to spend time with people I love. Some in my life don’t understand this. They don’t get the pain and amount of effort it takes to fight every day either.

So if it seems like my blog is heading in a scattered direction it is because my life has been since last Fall. Bear with me as my life unfolds. I am watching the process with you.

Much love and peace to you all ❣️ W.L.

Celebrating 100+

Thank you all so much. I now have over 100 followers on my blog. I couldn’t have done this without you!!!!

You inspire me to keep going and sharing even when things are difficult. I appreciate your feedback and support and kind words of encouragement.

Thanks for helping me making this milestone happen.

W.L.

Home from da U.P. eh!

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Finally home from the Upper Pennisula in Michigan.  It was a relaxing and refreshing time of getting away.  Was able to spend some time on the beach without being carried away by black flies looking for Lake Superior Agates.  Found a few to take home before getting sun burnt and calling it a day.

Played my very first game of Monopoly ever.  Watched Carrie Fisher’s stand up comedy routine that was based on her book Wishful Drinking. Sat beside a couple of spectacular bonfires and enjoy the majestic midnight stargazing. And started reading Brene’ Brown’s Daring Greatly.

While a short trip in itself, it was long enough to get away and enjoy myself before having to return to the real world.

I missed you all and hope you are well.

❤ Wendy.

3,2, 1 Quote Me….First time!

321 Quote Me! – “Love Is, What?”

321 Quote Me! Created by A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip!

Big thanks to Barb of

Bipolar Barb

for choosing me for 321 Quote Me! Please stop by her blog and say hi!

Rules: 3.2.1 Quote Me!

Thank the Selector

Post 2 Quotes for the dedicated Topic of The Day

Select 3 Bloggers to take part in ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’

NOTE: Although this is the topic for today (yesterday, for me) there is no specific deadline for it, meaning you can answer as and when. Thank you, again for that Rory!

woman-drawing-red-heart-with-crayon

Topic For Today:  “Love is, What?”

“Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one’s own self.  It is an experience of sharing, of communing, which permits the full unfolding of one’s own inner activity.”

-Erich Fromm, The Sane Society

 

Love to faults is always blind,

Always is to joy inclin’d,

Lawless,wing’d, and unconfin’d,

And Breaks all chains from every mind.

— William Blake “Poems and Fragments from the Note-Book,” 29 1793

My 3 Bloggers For Today Are:

Haden Clark

Phoebe Chi (Puppydoc)

Island Traveler

A poem to someone who needed to know regarding my eating disorder…

Today someone said I looked thin

I looked into the mirror again

I cannot seem to see what they saw.

I only see a body with one humongous flaw

 

I see the scale reducing numbers and wonder where they went…

As my clothes looser fitting as time is spent.

I should be able to see it when i look into the mirror…

Instead all inside of me is lost in a storm of fear.

 

You can’t bring yourself even to talk about it…

I want to tell you that it is getting worse bit by bit.

Pretending that it doesn’t exist

Will only make me rebellious and persist.

 

Despite the others who keep warning me

pointing out the signs to see

That danger is lurking close by

And my food restrictions and issues way too high

 

I cannot make myself be around food

It causes me to panic and feel I’m no good.

I want to run away as fast as I can…

But discussing eating disorders is obviously a ban.

Poem by me.

Two weeks

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Today marks the 2nd week that I have been blogging.  People in my life are commenting that it seems to be having a positive impact. I have surprised myself in how open I have been able to be about things I would never talk about with most people in real life… like my eating disorder, my PTSD issues, and some my issues related my mood disorder.

I have, also, shared more of my faith on here than I usually share with others.  I have been wounded pretty badly by the religious community and am just starting to allow some of those wounds to heal. Every times I share something to do with faith though it is a stretch for me in vulnerability.  It allows people into another part of me that’s been pretty closed off to most others for the last 14 to 15 years.

Thank you for being part of my journey as I start to blog and experiment with finding my voice along my path to recovery.

W.L.