Just a quick update on my eye. I can finally see through the cornea ulcer on my left eye well enough to see some things. I have been to the ER six times and seen the eye doctor every day for the last two weeks. This week included a trip to Ann Arbor and University of Michigan to see a specialist regarding the ulcer left on my eye by the infectión I got around 7/4/19. It has impacted my overall health after the loss of sight in one eye for so long. I am overjoyed with gratitude that my sight is slowly returning. To say I have done fine through this process would be a lie. I crashed after my visit to University of Michigan and have lost an a considerable amount of weight by lack of appetite. It is also hard and frustrating to lose your sight so quickly. I find myself losing time and disengaging from others in general especially as the pain increases. After days of putting eye drops for various treatment needs around the clock in my eye, I just want to snooze as long as possible. I am in wonder at the complexity and working of our eyes though. It is amazing all they do. I am grateful for the help that I haved around me since the the 2nd when I first went into the ER to to be seen. My friends, significant other and my significant other’s family has done so much to help that I don’t think I can ever say thank you enough. Al came home tonight after we were finally able to return home yesterday. Ahhhhh.
Thank you for sending your thoughts and prayers my way. Wendy.
This week marks the one year anniversary of my blog. I still struggle to balance my time between work, treatment, recovery and rest. The past few months have brought a job change that is less stressful, continued treatment, and continued work towards recovery. This year has been a year of progress in so many ways. It has had some major challenges and set backs at times but my mood is so much more stable, I have been in a stable relationship for nearly a year now, and have a more stable med med regimen. I have also slowly been learning to accept my weight and body shape at whatever weight or shape I am at. I am grateful for so many things.including all of my followers and their support.
Thank you for a memorable first year.
Being my rather OCD self, I went to the library in my hometown to look for the most recommended books on habits yesterday. Once I set my mind to something I become pretty determined to accomplish it. One specific book, recommends focusing on one task at a time to change. Right now I have about 30 times that on my list. I went to the dietician today for the first time in months to talk about goals. I had a list of seven when I walked in the door to meet with her and was able to explain each one and the reason behind them. They are prioritized so I know which ones are the most important to focus on and there are some that are simple like making phones calls or completing labs. The dietician didn’t seem to think I had lost all my marbles but a few of them were rolling through the Kerplunk game a little faster than normal this week.
I have spent some time time contemplating the one vs multiple changes occurring at the same time the last 24 hours. I am left with “radical recovery.” I think of several people who I know who made the decision to finally get clean or sober and did 90 meetings in 90 days and basically overhauled their lives to maintain their sobriety. When I think about making changes to my life, that is what comes to mind. Most people in mental health recovery don’t have the type of support offered by AA or NA meetings. The closest thing we have here is a Depression Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) meeting once a week for people with mood disorders and their supports. I do have supports in my life who would support me if I shared I was making major overhaul changes though. Probably more than I realize.
In order to make multiple changes at once and be successful I have created a list of things that needs to be a priority or commitment to eventually succeed because I am not delusional. I realize I may fail at some, hopefully succeed at some and make progress at other goals.
Change toolbox for success
- Make health and exercise a priority
- Persistence and perseverance
- Not afraid to fail
- Take full responsibility for my life
- Create my own morning routine
- Have a support system
- Takes initiative
- Surround yourself with like minded people
- Communicate clearly
- Good listening skills
- Value alone time
- Discipline and self control
- Follow through with what you say (no excuses, only results)
Love the journey more than the results.
I know I might be dreaming but I made the choice to change some key things in my life pretty radically and the only way to be successful is to follow this list.
I have been struggling with depression still and re-evaluating my goals and self discipline that are needed for me to achieve and accomplish my goals. In light of recent events I have been trying to decide what my values are at this point. It seems like a daunting task on some days.
Re-defining yourself in the wake of what could be a terminal illness is scary. Old goals seem obsolete and unimportant. Working for money’s sake does not seem to be such a priority. Wanting to spend time with loved ones and be in the best possible health does. Spending time doing a meaningful career seems much more important. Spending time doing things I love feels more valuable than time fillers like watching TV. Getting rid of clutter is essential. Doing my bucket list more pressing than before.
I don’t know if I have shared that I have taken care of others for most of my teen and adult life. I am feeling like I’m kind of over it right now. I need to take care of me and frankly I don’t think I have been doing well at it. Harsh reality check.
So you will hear me blogging on self discipline and change and goals for at least a month ( it takes 21 days at least to start a new habit.) There will be word art (I have a new app on my phone and a new printer), regular art, goal setting for short and long term projects and other happening things.
Take a trip with me and see where we go. I may face the world jobless this week but I am trying to believe that may not be a bad thing.
Be blessed on your own journey’s my friends.
Probably one of the worst fears as a social worker that I have is that I will find one of my clients dead during a home visit. Over the years, I have lost over 30 clients to suicide, murder, illness, drug or alcohol related issues, etc. This week I had one of these scenarios at work but luckily our worry was unfounded when we later found the client safe in the community.
I do not handle death well. Some may say that I am overly attached to my clients but I do care about them and many of them have lost their natural supports over the years. While I hate when people do safety checks on me I sometimes feel the need to do them to ensure that my clients are safe and okay. What are your thoughts on safety checks?
I think I would rather be safe and sorry for caring too much than letting someone suffer for days because I didn’t act. Thank God that this week the client was safe!
Hope you all have a good day.
Merry Christmas to you or in Swedish, God Jul. Praying that you are all able to spend time with loved ones, whether friends or family and are able to find some blessing in this holiday season.
As this Christmas season is here, I am grateful for so many things but am most grateful for just another day to spend with the people I care about. I’m thankful for one of the most memorable holiday seasons in my life which I was able to share with my significant other and our families and friends. I am grateful for medical doctors who can tell us we’re seriously ill before it becomes terminal. I’m thankful for the small little ways that our friends and family show us that they love us and the medical treatments that prolong the lives of cancer patients no matter how difficult they are.
And though my focus has been on myself and trying to meet my own needs since getting the cancer diagnosis, I hope to be able to return to blogging every day to every other day once I get my energy level back. But plus know, I am choosing gratitude as my outlook. I have so many things to be grateful for. Housing, a job, Al (my dog), my significant other who is amazing, my friends and family, the people I work with, etc. ,and all of you.
What are you most grateful for? Please understand that I may not be able to to post much on my blog until I gain some strength and energy.
I have not felt well since I had bronchitis for six to eight weeks this August and September. I remained exhausted after my lung x-ray cleared and still was fighting a nasty cough that would not go away. My lymph nodes have been swollen since this summer. I sleep as soon as I get done eating dinner. I finally started to push the doctor on why I felt so bad and the answer has been a little overwhelming. It is the reason I have not been blogging. I am looking at a lymphoma diagnosis that appears to be spread throughout my body. I have been in a lot of pain and discomfort especially in the bones Ive broken before. I am not one to complain about pain but this has been intense at times and unlike anything I be ever gone through. I have tests scheduled for tomorrow and next week for an MRI, Bone Scan, and pet scan. Because of all the appointments and such I reduced my work schedule to four days a week. I was having difficulty making it through a complete work week. I now take a day off towards the middle of the week to rest and rejuvenate to finish the week out with.
There is a tumor on my adrenal gland and another on my pituitary gland. It makes for crazy hormone levels.
But one of my strengths is resiliency. I am a fighter. I have managed to tell most people around me and start accepting their help. That’s a tad bit more difficult for me to do.
So bear with me as I go through the next few weeks.