My friend who just died from depression had said of him that he could never accept that people loved him. I know when I am depressed I, also, don’t feel loved by others. I struggle to stay connected to others on many layers. I wonder if this is a common trait of those who experience major depression or major depressive episodes such as with Bipolar I and II.
I love the above statement. I’m terrible at expressing it to my loved ones and friends when I am in those darkest of moments. So this the statement I use to convey that I’m hurting or needing to feel more love than usual.
*****trigger warning…contains information related to suicide.
I feel worn out. In my personal life I have had three people completed suicides in the last 12 days. The most impacting one occurred for me yesterday morning. I am mostly in a state of shock after all this and wanting to keep another loved one from acting out these temporary solutions to very real problems. Today I spent crying off and on as I hung out with with my besties. So many people are in pain area me that I feel overwhelmed by it. I can’t even use my normal escapes such as reading, crafts, binging watching on Netflix, etc. My family of choice is wandering aimlessly and my family of origin is falling apart at the seams right now. How do I remove the pain from those around me to lessen the burden they carry now too. Sigh…so tired n related to suicide. Wendy
Recovery is a long process of setting goals and working towards regaining things lost due to illness or episodes in our lives. However, our lives might look very different as we recover. We might find that the career we’ve been doing is no longer something we feel like we can do. Our hobbies and interests may change as well as those activities that bring us joy. Is this metamorphosis wrong or just part recovery that is new and different? I think it is widely about us and how we change how we experience the world we live in. There will be people who don’t understand this process but do they need to? Recovery is very personal and about you discovering and regaining your very best self. What does recovery look like for you? Where are you at in your recovery process? Does change excite or scare you? Peace be with you all. Wendy.
It’s been several months since I’ve blogged. I felt like I had little to say about mental health issues because I had so many physical health issues occurring and decided to take a break from my blog. Slowly my physical health has improved and I’m starting to feel back to where I had left off. I am back to eating healthier, walking each day, etc. Slowly I have started to socialize a bit more after a long winter and spring of social distancing.
I believe that one’s mental health is positively impacted by good diet and exercise routines. It is vital to care for oneself in these areas but finding the motivation to do so is difficult if you don’t make it a regular ritual that your committed to doing, possibly with a friend or loved one. I just started back to exercising regularly and I can already feel positive effects from it and all I’ve been doing is walking in increasing distances until I can get up to approximately 4 miles per day. I hope to continue to feel more energetic and inspired to do a little more each day. Thinking of you all. Have a great day. Wendy.
I have been attempting to keep a structured format to my days since I stopped working in August. I am looking for work and hoping to get a job soon. I have been using my time to clean out my house, declutter and organize out of necessity. It has kept me from getting depression from not working which was impossible to continue for awhile due to my health.
Starting to look at jobs again is a struggle and I am feeling somewhat nervous. I am not sure what I want to do with my career at this point. I am leaving my options open to say the least. I am not sure where I will end up but I can assure you that it will be a good fit.
Things otherwise have been difficult. It has felt like I have had abuse triggers all around for about a month now. I think I have handled the majority of the situations better than usual but it is never easy to be triggered again and again. Our whole house has been put through the ringer and then got whammied by an upper respiratory infection that hangs on forever. I think that the emotional stress was the key to those of us it has hit the hardest.
My eye remains blurry. It is a wait and see healing process right now. Next month I will find out if I need surgery.
So my radical recovery process is do what I can every day and keep plugging away at the rest and stay positive. So far it is working.
Just thought I’d take a second to let you know how I was doing after yesterday’s fall. Doctors believe that I fell because my potassium level was low. This fall was a bad one in which I fell from the top step as I was entering my house from the deck. I fell off the top step on to the house and onto the grill. I have many scrapes and bruise but luckily I didn’t break anything or get a concussion. I did bruise the bone on my ankle and sprain it. So air splint for me along with a great pair of crutches.
My stinking thinking has met a can of air freshener. My thinking is much less negative today than yesterday. Just thinking about my recovery tool kit turned things around for me.