It’s 5:45 a.m. and I feel tired before this day has begun. That is the side effect of having pneumonia. Today is a full day…work, a Covid-19 test even though we know how it will turn out, more work, and then a new treatment to build back up some of my IgG levels through SubQ treatment. I am praying that the new medicine does not make me sick but the EPI-pen is on duty if it does and the hospital 🏥 is nearby. Please make me well! And don’t let me faint today. (Giving myself shots or starting the process of learning to.) Have a great day everyone. Enjoy the 🌞. ☮️ To you. Wendy.
I have not blogged in quite awhile. Many things have happened…New job, Covid, concussion, other health issues, medical treatment issues for CVID, and mental health issues (hypo-mania from the treatment for Covid.) I wondered what of value I had left to say. Last night I blundered and told my bestie to keep her chin up and I was called out on it. Sometimes even Social workers run out of things to say. I vow to not take the easy way out and just give up writing and saying nothing because it’s hard to find more meaningful words.
It’s a difficult decision to be a social worker and even more so to write. I believe I got discouraged because I didn’t feel my posts were impacting others and just stopped because I didn’t feel that I had even helped one person. But somewhere in my heart I don’t believe that’s true.
If someone’s told you you are beyond hope, you are not. You have worth. Your dreams matter and you can fulfill them. Believe in yourself, believe in your dreams (set smart goals). Never give up. I am idealist. I watch movies like Rudy, Radio, etc. I believe in the impossible.
*****trigger warning…contains information related to suicide.
I feel worn out. In my personal life I have had three people completed suicides in the last 12 days. The most impacting one occurred for me yesterday morning. I am mostly in a state of shock after all this and wanting to keep another loved one from acting out these temporary solutions to very real problems. Today I spent crying off and on as I hung out with with my besties. So many people are in pain area me that I feel overwhelmed by it. I can’t even use my normal escapes such as reading, crafts, binging watching on Netflix, etc. My family of choice is wandering aimlessly and my family of origin is falling apart at the seams right now. How do I remove the pain from those around me to lessen the burden they carry now too. Sigh…so tired n related to suicide. Wendy
This quotes on my header to this post are actually lyrics to a kid’s song sung in rounds. The song is called “One bottle of pop…” The fourth or fifth verse goes “Don’t put your trash in my trash can, my trash can. Don’t put your trash in my trash can my trash can’s full”. I sang this song as a little girl at the age of 8 or 9 at camp in the summers. I never thought I would find myself singing it to myself when I hear other people’s drama going on around me in my personal life. I don’t like go around singing this on the top of my lungs but there are days when it is reminding me to set healthy boundaries with some unhealthy people in my life.
I have had a difficult month getting my mood straightened back out after steroids. My sleep cycle is a total mess. I sléep when I should be awake and am awake when I should be asleep. I’ve had a few times when my mouth has started to swell up again and then stopped. So I am really allergic to something.
I lost my doctor due not getting any sleep and how the new MA interpreted my extreme quietness from not sleeping before a medical appointment earlier in the the month. I am amazed by human conflict and mostly the lack of it because people are afraid something bad will happen if they talk their conflicts through. This MA thought things about me that I would never do never do or say but she didn’t know me either. All because she assumed many things and knew nothing about my mental health.
There is a conflict in the neighborhood I live in about smoking. I feel like Switzerland in this conflict because I am so sick of the drama it is causing. But I watch and listen to who started the conflict, who keeps it going, and those neighbors in it for a few fireworks. But those féeding the conflict won’t go to the source to talk about it. She’s gone to several other neighbors but never the source. It reminds of the saying that goes something like…”Small people discuss people, especially gossip; average minds talk about events; intelligent people discuss concepts and ideas. I think social media has made it more difficult for people to face positive, constructive conflict resolution skills anymore.
Where do you fit in the conflict management styles?Aggressive, avoidant, passive aggressive and many more as I only named a few.
Thinking of you, Wendy
It’s been several months since I’ve blogged. I felt like I had little to say about mental health issues because I had so many physical health issues occurring and decided to take a break from my blog. Slowly my physical health has improved and I’m starting to feel back to where I had left off. I am back to eating healthier, walking each day, etc. Slowly I have started to socialize a bit more after a long winter and spring of social distancing.
I believe that one’s mental health is positively impacted by good diet and exercise routines. It is vital to care for oneself in these areas but finding the motivation to do so is difficult if you don’t make it a regular ritual that your committed to doing, possibly with a friend or loved one. I just started back to exercising regularly and I can already feel positive effects from it and all I’ve been doing is walking in increasing distances until I can get up to approximately 4 miles per day. I hope to continue to feel more energetic and inspired to do a little more each day. Thinking of you all. Have a great day. Wendy.
I am a bit OCD. I have been working out of 6 different journals this year, each with a special theme. The biggest problem with it is that it is taking me away from my blog.
There have, also, been things going on of a personal nature. My significant other moved out of my home about three weeks ago. I am trying to make the most of the situation and work on myself. She has her life and it doesn’t include me right now.
It is really hard to write out a blog and attempt to not complain as much as possible. My partner leaving stings because it is new and painful and leaves me feeling angry and frustrated and hurt on a deep level.
Inspi of everything happening around me, I choose each day I can to keep a gratitude journal again as I work through the book, Simple Abundance (part of why I have some of the many journals.) Some have to do with being a bibliophile and organizing some stuff properly.
Today was my born day. I’m grateful for my messy dysfunctional family some times and today was one of those days.
Sometimes I feel old and sometimes I still feel like a spring chicken. I had a nice birthday hanging out with family. I am grateful to be alive and for all my friends who wished me a very happy day. I am thankful for all of you as you travel along my recovery journey with me.i have a feeling that this year could take us in some awesome new directions. Peace be with you. Wendy