Trigger warning: grief and content related to suicide past suicide attempt.
The overnight hours tonight are anniversary dates. I am that person with the photographic memory especially with dates and numbers. If something important happened on it I will remember the date until I am ready to let it go. Tonight is a double whammy: it was the night I tried to stop living and that my mom died five years ago.
I miss my mom terribly but she had been sick for a long time before she died in Hospice. While watching her go was hard and difficult especially as I watched over my nieces and nephews, I knew she would be at peace.
I’m more at peace with myself than I thought possible as I sit here reflecting tonight. I’m not so sure when that came about because I would say it is more recent. I somehow have grieved what I wanted from family and began to let it go. Grieving things I never really had but never was willing to let go of the hope for in my life. Some how my baggage had lightened and continuing on with life wasn’t a war like it been for years with a grieving and broken 💔 heart. The meds had been changed but my thinking was changed as well. The suicidal thoughts and impulses were now nearly extinct and replaced by other energies. How did I start this road? By being challenged to spend 15 minutes a day doing something that brought me joy! Whether piano, or art, or journalling or reading or whatever your joy thing is a mere 15 minutes will fly by. If you’re severely down try 5 minutes… reconnect with that feeling of joy in way that makes you smile, laugh, etc. again. Remember each long journey begins with one step. Peace be with you. 💜☔🌌Wendy