Work

I had someone ask me this weekend how I managed to work while dealing with my mood disorder. I calmly explained to them that I basically started working in the mental health field before I graduated from college and was taught to drop yourself and your issues at the door when beginning your work day when I first started out in the field. It was not an easy lesson to learn but now has become so ingrained in my life that I allow it to spill over into my personal life sometimes by not letting my guard down with safe people. I have to work harder at letting my clients know me then worrying about keeping myself put together. I am assumed to be more serious than I am because I struggle to smile due to having been diagnosed with tardive dyskinesia and grimacing when stressed. I have been assumed to be a witch with a capital B at times because of this. It makes me feel pretty bad because it is so far from the truth. I go above and beyond for most all of my clients. So it hurts when I had the TD happen and assumptions made. I would give anything to not have a mood disorder but they run in my family and I was the lucky one to get Bipolar I Disorder. It took forever to get a proper diagnosis with nearly ten years of misdiagnosis occurring before I got my diagnosis and was put on the right meds. During this time I shared very little with my co-workers and family and it took me almost dying from a drug overdose before people knew I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I do not make it public knowledge but I don’t hide it under a rock either. I suppose one day I will have to retire from the mental health field and do something different for my sanity. I know I have good clinical skills though. When I struggle my paperwork suffers more than anything. I contemplate working in another area of mental health or a different field some days when I am really struggling. I don’t know if it is possible. I would need more schooling to do certain jobs. Some seem overwhelming to even think about. So one day you might hear me say, I am going to do something totally different with my life. You never know…

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