Tonight I feel a bit hypomanic. It was what my psychiatrist was shooting for. I forgot that it is such a fine line between hypomanic and manic though with increasing the Prozac that it makes me feel a little bit nervous about the increase. I am grateful that I am no longer having suicidal ideation though and finally feel like my mood is lifting from the abyss that it was in after getting off steroids for upper respiratory infections. I am just a bit concerned about how fast my mood improved once we doubled the Prozac though. I’m also grateful to be over the worst of the nausea that the Prozac was causing. I haven’t gotten sick for a few days now and feel back to my normal self in regards to eating. I am just motivated to stay out of the hospital and that means keeping my mood balanced and in check. My partner, also, has a mood disorder and it makes it difficult to balance for the other when one of us is either too high or too low and I feel like that’s most often me and I am the one who is making it difficult for my partner to balance their mood and regulate their sleep because of my sleep and work habits. So much so that I feel guilty and end up in tears about it because I struggle with feeling toxic to others (something I have struggled with since I was abused as a child.)
The next few days will definitely be a good indicator of what’s going to happen with my mood. I pray that my mood stabilizes and I can feel productive again.