Fear

It is in the middle of the night our time. I spent 5 hours in the emergency room before getting home tonight. I received news that is not great. My heart was already feeling overwhelmed between physical and emotional health issues. I am maxed out after the last few hours and wondering if I am at a breaking point. When I needed my friends to be supportive tonight, I ended up feeling more isolated than before. Sometimes I feel anxious but I think I am seriously worried about about tomorrow which is now today. I have so many expectations of me and I know I cannot meet them as of right now. I posted that I have a hard time asking for help. Saying I can’t do something feels like failure especially when it involves other people. I have less than two hours to decide how to handle my day of disappointing other people, let alone myself. This is one of those times when I truly cannot live up to other’s expectations. I don’t know how today will turn out but it won’t be pretty. Step one thriving and into step two…maybe by diving.

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