Balance

Finding balance between my work and personal life feels totally out of whack. Not only is it impacting me but my relationship with my significant other. Last night I brought work home and ended up spending time with a friend who needed my time before my significant other got home. The result was an all nighter in part due to needing to talk some things through with my significant other and spend time with them after a conversation that raised some emotions due to what was probably being overly sensitive on my part. I lost it last night emotionally and felt like running from our relationship for the first time in two months. I felt scared of being judged which is a leftover issue from my perfectionist father. I cried and cried because I felt teased and like I wasn’t measuring up.

Work has been a fiasco with several of my clients in crisis daily that I can’t accomplish anything. Add on top that balancing work and personal life isn’t going well and I am starting to have high levels of anxiety to the point where I was shaking at work today when things fell apart. This scares me. I usually have a John Wayne approach to work and it is not working. I am falling apart internally and questioning again whether or not I can be in relationships with others. I am afraid of being harmful to my significant other due to watching them struggle lately. I wonder if it is possible to do my job and have a healthy relationship. I just want to be happy.

W.L.

2 thoughts on “Balance

  1. I know the feeling my friend. Please feel free to read the total meltdown I had on my blog under Victorious Agony. It is always a balancing act. We want to make time for those we love, get everything at work done, and be perfect all the time. But truly TRULY I tell you that perfection is impossible (though I still try sometimes). So please cut yourself a break. Take one thing at a time and let your partner know that you are stressed. Maybe they can help with whatever the struggles are. And if they can’t deal with you at your worse, they don’t deserve your best. Hugs sweetie!!

    Liked by 1 person

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