Meeting went well tonight. Received a box full of old journals that contain so many memories. I only allowed myself to peruse one of them for safety reasons and not wanting to trigger too many traumatic experiences before bed. Reading old excerpts about my eating disorder, past alcohol abuse, suicidal ideation, manic symptoms, and PTSD issues was enough for a short time. This is a storage box filled with them so it will take me a while to work through them. I already decided that I would not read through the sections that I wrote about suicidal thoughts. The journal I read through tonight was from the spring that I was first diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder and struggling to come to terms with the new diagnosis and meds as well as finding new treatment providers who could help me do that. It’s been fourteen years since that diagnosis and I am grateful I was lucky enough to have found a Depression Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) meeting near me shortly after my diagnosis. It helped me learn about Bipolar Disorder so much faster than by seeing any treatment provider.
Some people might wonder why read through an old journal. Mine have poetry, artwork, and creative sketches that I want out of them. My partner thinks that it is a form of emotional cutting. There are, also, collected quotes and sayings I want to keep as well as special dates and good memories.
Do you journal? Do you go back back through them occasionally to reminicse? What are your thoughts about this? I’d love to hear.