Making up for lost time


The picture has a story…I promise.  I grew up with a Mom who was unavailable to teach the stuff that girls are supposed to know. I don’t know her reasons for why she chose not to teach me but she didn’t.  I am slowly trying to rectify that.  Today was one step towards that goal.  Due to losing weight, I asked my friend to go bra shopping with me.  (It took a lot of trust for me to ask her to go.)  I, also, have been an active sports bra fan for quite some time and wanted to feel a lot more feminine than I was feeling in my current bras.  I, also, had never had a Mom who taught me how to shop for the right size and fit and this was made so much worse by having a distorted body image due to struggling with my weight and food for so many years.

So after my appt with the dietician, we ate lunch together and then made an afternoon of shopping for girlie things. My friend helped me find bras that fit after telling me repeatedly and winning a bet with me that I was a size smaller than I was thinking I was.  After a certain point, I allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to have her give me feedback after trying on each different style. (It was a test in trust when you have body issues to let your friend see all the fat rolls on you!) But her input was invaluable and I learned a lot from her today and am so grateful for her patience with me and the loving spirit in which she helped me.

We looked at purses which is another girly thing that I really don’t participate in.  I have a clothe wallet that I carry my cash and cards in.  I contemplated a purchase but couldn’t find one I liked and that wasn’t big enough to be considered luggage…LOL.

From there we headed to Old Navy to look at Clothing.  I have never been in Old Navy…Yes! I live a sheltered life in some ways.  My friend is constantly challenging my distorted body image by encouraging me to try on a size smaller than I usually wear or think I should be wearing.  Today I fit into size mediums for the first time in my life.  I actually purchased a skirt and a blouse before leaving.  (More stuff to feel more feminine in.) I would have never purchased a size medium before ever because I would have never believed it was possible for me to fit in anything that small!

While it may seem silly and juvenile to some of you, this was kind of a big deal to me today. First, I rarely ask for help especially in regards to anything that would leave me feeling embarrassed or ashamed (as in in terms of my body image).  Secondly, I feel like everyone else was taught these things by someone in their family of origin and I was not.  Third, my trauma history as a sexual abuse survivor has often left me horribly ashamed of my body in so many ways. So to me, today was about overcoming obstacles…my neglect and sexual abuse and eating disorder and the shame I have carried around took a back seat today to becoming someone who could be more feminine and sexy.

Sorry all you men who had to sit through my post on bras and girly things!  It was a win for the gipper kind of day for me thugh that I couldn’t pass on sharing though.  God restores all things in his timing though if we let him.


2 thoughts on “Making up for lost time

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