Trigger Warning: This Post contains content about suicidal ideation.
If any of my friends are reading this, I am writing this for me and my mental health- not because you are a burden or that I can’t continue to be there for you, I just need to write for a little while to decompress after the last few days.
It has been a week in which four friends have struggled with suicidal ideation. Three of them poured their hearts out to me with what’s been going on in their life with one of them last night leaving me worried about her safety after we hung up. The fourth and I set boundaries about it and I was a support in a way that was felt more healthy for me.
It’s only been a few weeks since I was struggling with feeling suicidal. Once a social worker though always a social worker. Responding feels like second nature. I, also, feel like if something were to happen and I didn’t do the right thing it would be my fault. One of the friends that I’ve been helping told me today, “See Wendy, you can’t go anywhere, people need you.” I am not sure how I feel about that. Confused maybe. I value other people’s lives above my own still. I don’t think that I would tell people if I didn’t feel safe though most of the time
I love the people I have been helping with whole heart. I am feeling so many things though…maybe I am just tired from not sleeping in my bed all but one night this week. I hope so. I wish I had a magic wand to take all of the death wishes and suicidal ideation away from the world we live in and be able to help people feel a sense of worth, peace and contentment all of the time.