Denial is not a river in Egypt

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Trigger warning: Contains info on eating disorders

I received my lab results from Monday yesterday.  My electrolytes are still low including potassium which is the lowest.  There are hormonal reasons related to my adrenal gland tumor that appear to be causing this but accepting that I may have an eating disorder relapse that is affecting it is tougher to swallow (no pun intended.)

I literately just started opening up and sharing about my eating disorder history. I don’t know if I am prepared for all of my medical providers to know about it.  I have relapsed hard to the point that it frightens me sometimes and then at other times I wish I could just go back to my secretive behaviors that no one was really aware of until I open my mouth the last few weeks.  I feel like I haven’t lost 25% of my body weight yet so I don’t meet diagnostic criteria for anorexia.  My friend this morning lovingly said I had an issue with it and fell into EDNOS (Eating Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified).  I have not seen a diagnosis given yet by any of my providers so it just adds to the pro-denial side. If anyone thinks that an eating disorder is not like an addiction please ask me to explain how much it is because I find it is in soooo many ways.  I will be more than willing to write a post on it. So I am nearly at Step 1 of the 12 Steps…Came to admit that we powerless over __________ and my life has become unmanageable..  I still think it is manageable but I am nearly ready to be hospitalized for my electrolytes being out of whack.  When does unmanageable start?  I’m not sure I know any more.

W.L.

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